no, he came in my armpit
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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