i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
