Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
