I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
