Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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