Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This is classic penis vs brain.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
