do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
