i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
