She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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