Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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