I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
