The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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