i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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