If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
