is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
bring money and cleavage
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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