I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
