I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
