I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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