I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
