I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
