If i come over, it means nothing
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
