i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
