Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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