I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We just shotgunned beers for America
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
