that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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