I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
