he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
