i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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