I can tuck mytits in my pants
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
