Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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