Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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