My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
