I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
