i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
