her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
