my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
