I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
