how can u be prego again
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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