As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
