Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
