..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
