You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
