I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
