Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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