her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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