There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am available for nakedness
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
