wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
