Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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