She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
