i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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